49. Other

A rant about unseen labor

Click the audio👆🏼 for my voiceover — so my husband isn’t the only one who has to listen to me rant :)

The other day, I was completing an online survey to give feedback on a company’s mindfulness and meditation content (in other words, I was ignoring most of their advice and mindlessly procrastinating on my writing and life goals).

I hadn’t even reached the actual survey when I hit a snag on the demographic questions leading into it.

Are you currently employed?

·       Yes, full-time

·       Yes, part-time

·       No, I’m retired

·       No, I’m a stay-at-home parent/homemaker

·       No, I’m a student

·       No, I’m looking for work

·       No, I don’t work right now

·       Other

I clicked “Yes, full-time,” because this is true. Since my non-verbal autistic son turned 18, our state pays me for some of my time as his attendant care provider and that, along with my other part-time job, gives me full-time paid “employment.”

But the next page asked me to select my job’s “Industry.” This always stumps me, as I’ve talked about before. Is it Healthcare or Education? Entertainment? Food Service? Finance or Legal? Hospitality?

There’s no “All of the Above.” I clicked “Other.”

Then they asked me to categorize my “current job level,” from entry level up to an executive position.

I chose “Founder.” Why not?

I started into the questions on mental health and self-care, telling them how often I meditate, which podcasts I like, my exercise, eating, and sleeping habits, and which books or content from “thought leaders” I’ve found helpful.

But apparently, none of these things has helped me not feel invisible every time I fill out a demographic survey. My brain kept returning to that employment question.

I kept thinking about the working parents who need a “Yes, AND” category. I kept thinking about all the unpaid labor in our communities that isn’t considered “work” on one of these forms.

Soon, I found myself clicking the back button furiously, like risking a papercut on my test booklet to fix an answer before time runs out. But the back button only took me to the front of the regular survey, it wouldn’t let me edit the demographic portion. I sat there mindfully fuming.

I knew I was about to do that thing where someone sees a simple post on a community board praising, say, a local dessert shop, and responds with: “I can’t eat ice cream, I’m lactose intolerant.” This post is not for you, Linda, you can keep that thought to yourself and scroll on past.

This survey had nothing to do my issues of self-identity. It wasn’t about caregivers, or disability, or even paid vs. unpaid work. This company just wanted to hear how I’m using their mindfulness products and if I might be interested in other offerings for self-improvement.

Some anger management tools might be good.

Even if the survey had just offered “Yes, parent/homemaker” instead of “No” I would have been able to let it go. I know, I know: They can’t include every possible work/life scenario in a questionnaire like this. And, they’re really asking if we make money at what we spend our days doing. As if we all have a choice in the matter.

I thought about the 40+ million caregivers in the U.S. who provide unpaid care, the vast majority of whom care for an adult with an illness or a disability.

I thought about the two grandmothers I met recently who are raising their autistic grandkids.

I thought about friends juggling work to manage care for their aging parents.

I thought about our lack of guaranteed family leave in this country.

I thought about the parents who’ve left the workforce because they can’t find programs to take their medically fragile or behaviorally challenged kids.

All these people (mostly women) who work their asses off to support their families and, on forms like this and in their communities, largely go unseen for their “volunteer” work.

Photo (with added text) by Outi Marjaana on Unsplash

I couldn’t let this go. I closed out of the survey and started over from scratch. This time, at the Are You Currently Employed? page, I clicked “Other,” and left this Linda-esque explanation:

I work two paying jobs, one of which is as an attendant care provider for my adult son, who has a disability. The bulk of my “employment,” however, is/has been unpaid labor. It would be more accurate-inclusive-respectful if your survey didn’t require parents and caregivers to answer “No” on the question of whether they work.

Yeah, those poor survey data crunchers will likely receive my response with an eye roll and a oh geez, take it to your therapist, lady.

But I felt compelled to leave this comment because I am a fan of this wellness company.¹ They offer engaging, smart content on how to live more sanely – lots of advice I find useful, even if I’m not one of the working professional types they seem to be targeting.

I thought someone there might care to know that we are here, too.

(I did stop myself from hitting the comment button a few days ago when they posted a video of meditation hacks for busy parents that reassured us, only half-jokingly, that eventually kids move out and then you’ll be able to reclaim your time… This post is not for you, Linda, keep your thoughts to yourself and scroll on…)

Listen, I really benefit from meditation, the study of mindfulness, healthy eating, and regular exercise. I really, really do.

Could you imagine what this rant would look like if I didn’t?!?

Thanks, as always, for reading or listening!

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1. It’s Dan Harris and 10% Happier. Really love them.