18. The Beat Goes On
January 18, 2022
We’re dancing through this life as best we can - hope you all are, too. Thanks for reading and/or listening!
“30-Second Dance Party!”
I overhear the techno rhythm begin to pulse on the other side of the house. But I know the announcer with the German accent is incorrect.
This party will be more than thirty seconds – more like 2 1/2 minutes.
It is nice to see our kid enjoy this silly gift – a battery-powered speaker that plays short clips of up-beat music, a clever, funny way to shake up your boring life for 30 seconds. The kid figured out pretty quickly that the button plays five different 30-second clips in a cycle, so he likes to hit the button repeatedly to hear them all in a row.
He doesn’t dance too much - unless his goofy parents jump in to show off their highly embarrassing moves. But I’m glad he likes it – there aren’t many gifts we can offer that keep his interest. I’m also grateful that this Dance Party button can live on his side of the house—
Most mornings, the first words I hear from my son are not, “Hi,” or “Good morning,” or even a request for breakfast.
Whenever he gets up, my son comes to find me at my desk, and declares his intention to make his bed.
“My bed!”
He wants his bed to match the photo that I’ve hung up in his bedroom – my solution to his previous habit of leaving his bed not just unmade, but with the blankets and sheets untucked and balled up in the center of the mattress. The photo reminds him how his bed is “supposed” to look when he’s not in it, and it is working amazingly well. He makes his bed every day. But since I labeled the photo “My Bed,” that’s how he tells me what he’s doing.
In return, our son has trained us to make our bed, too - because if he discovers that his parents’ bed is unmade, he will continue to announce, “My Bed!” until that chore is also complete. Yeah, working on adding verbs to sentences and using proper pronouns, and keeping him out of my bedroom… that’s one of the songs that never ends around here—
My son has tentatively agreed to small changes to his wardrobe of worn-out t-shirts and athletic shorts, at least on a temporary basis. Up north over the holiday, he actually wore long pants and a jacket for a walk around the park on a brisk day. He caved to my pleading - there’s snow on the ground, son, please cover your legs – with the promise that he could change back into his regular shorts when we got home. Which he did, the second we got back inside.
I took that successful outing as a model and got him to wear a new t-shirt for an afternoon out of the house the other day. Again, as soon as we returned home, he made a beeline for his closet - comfortable, ratty t-shirt restored.
So, we may be heading toward a dress code for “at-home” vs. “out and about.” It’s a bit more laundry, I suppose, but I can groove to that—
One of the newest “out and about” activities for my son is a fitness program led by a couple of brothers (young guys not much older than their clients) who are combining their speech therapy and physical training backgrounds to get kids like mine moving and socializing. Exactly what my boy needs.
The first few times we met them, I was reminded that my son can be both eager to try a new thing and highly anxious for the same reason. I showed him photos, described the class, and he excitedly got ready to go…but his attitude soured by the time he had his shoes on, and he morphed into one super-worried kid on our short drive to the park.
In the past, I’ve interpreted his pre-event anxious behaviors – stompy feet, pissy attitude, teary eyes, or hyped-up verbal stimming – as a sign that the outing was too much for him and I should lower his discomfort by allowing him to stay home. I thought I was “listening” to his needs. But cancelling would often result in an upset, disappointed, and still highly-agitated kid (and a frustrated mom – well, what do you want?!?).
Now, I’ve learned that his behavior isn’t necessarily saying, “no” – it might simply be saying “slow down, let me get my bearings, I want to try this but I’m scared.” It is hard to watch him work through his anxieties – I still feel like, if it’s causing you this much stress, forget it, it’s not worth it!
But after just a few sessions, that nervous kid is grinning and enjoying his time with his new friends. Practically dancing through his workout—
As it happens, my kid is less anxious about getting a vaccination than he is about trying out new activities or wearing new clothes.
I took him to get his flu shot at a local drug store, and after a brief visual summary of what we were doing, he jumped in the car without a problem. We had to stand in line for longer than I’d hoped, but my kid was fine, bouncy and chatty and fine. The pharmacist seemed more nervous, concerned that my boy might give her a hard time. He did not. Easy peasy.
The wait had been long, and I had snacks waiting in the car to reward us. As soon as we were done, I moved swiftly to get out of the store before his good mood dissipated. But as we stepped outside, my son stopped short, causing the automatic sliding door to bounce in confusion. He half-turned his body and gestured with his open palm back toward the store, his eyes wide and insistent above his mask.
Ah, right. I forgot – his dad let him buy some candy the last time we did this. That’s why you’ve been so chill today! It was fun to see his self-advocacy – in an earlier time, he may have just returned to the car and I wouldn’t know why he was suddenly so grumpy. But he “told” me, and I was paying attention enough that day to hear his nonverbal request. We returned inside to pick out a Snickers (and practice making a purchase, too), and we did a happy dance back to the car—
Speaking of rewarding yourself with candy, we’ve got a sweet fundraiser going on for my son’s day program. Click here to indulge in some See’s chocolates for yourself or your loved ones, and a portion of the proceeds will support our beloved Pathway to Work. Open through January 28th. Thanks!
And here’s how you can shake yourself out of your mundane daily existence, 30 seconds at a time: 30 Second Dance Party!
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