It Was Like This

A year-end review in 365 words

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I wrote or re-shared fifteen pieces (plus this one) in 2024.

I’m so glad you were here.

From those two little girls, so demure and terrifying, at my son’s preschool craft table—

My son giggles and sweeps more shapes from the table, creating swirling performance art with puzzle pieces that are supposed to lay flat.

To the shirts and gadgets that ambushed me while shopping for gifts,

I reflected on what has changed despite so much staying the same.

I teased myself about my son’s rejection of my affections,

and I imagined meeting him as a stranger—

If I wasn’t his parent, maybe I’d find it charming when he “straightens” my desk, supervises my cooking, and insists from the passenger seat that my hands stay at 10 and 2. Take away the stress and worry that comes with daily, lifelong caregiving, and I can imagine feeling more bemused and less bothered.

I amused myself at the Autism-Awareness-Acceptance-Action-Adventure Park,

and in stories of just fifty words, I dreamt of glorious blackout curtains and glowing eyes in the dark.

I ranted about the invisibility of caregiving work,

and I stumped for competency and Kamala.

And then, I steeled myself for the work ahead.

It’s a good thing my son needs my help 24/7 so I have less time to perseverate on the impending chaos, and so I can remind myself—through the imperatives of daily caregiving and advocacy—that I am here “not to agonize but to organize” for the actions that will be needed to protect the communities I care about.

I confessed to carrying certain plastic cards in my wallet (that keep me out of debt),

and celebrated small, but highly satisfying, exchanges of words.

My son is almost 25 years old. I’ve never had a conversation with him, not really…I know his comfort foods, his comfort shirts, his comfort routines. But I don’t know his thoughts behind them.

We shared some snacks on a beach vacation,

And I am still wondering where my son will take us.

Show me the direction you want to go, kid.

I’ll help you discover how to get there.

Happy New Year!

Thanks, as always, for being here.